Out

Blogging was my ex's idea. I didn't think it would help anything so I resisted. I started this after my job ended suddenly-well after that ex was gone. The idea came back to me while reading a blog about my former employer which got me off the focus it was going to have: being out of the closet somewhere.

As I said before, I am a lesbian. I could never say that in real life.

I can remember going to church before it was about hate. Now homosexuals and the poor are considered evil there. My first memory of that hate permeating my church was around the time that I started noticing girls and the other girls started noticing boys. I tried so hard. I went to True Love Waits meetings thinking they would teach me to resist all sex but I only learned not to lie down with a boy. I became super religious. I went to church twice every Sunday and half the night on Wednesday, I started a club at school and went to camp every summer. I dated boy from True Love Waits. The would brag on how chaste I was at church. I would blush and be praised for being modest when I was really blushing because of the non so chaste thoughts I had about the guy's older sister. I kept doing this until I met a guy with as little interest in sex as I had. We were married 2 days after I turned 18. We didn't have sex for 3 months but not from lack of trying. If he could function, I was too tense. Finally we broke a big Baptist taboo. We drank. A (male) "friend" of his brought over a bottle of some horrible strong stuff and we played a drinking game together. Sex with him was the worst experience of my life. It sobered me right up. It must have been awful for him too since I found him in bed with his "friend" in the morning.

Next Blog: How this was a GOOD thing